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Thursday, January 31, 2008

Pop Goes The Weasel

by capper

Saturday is Groundhog's day. As you may or may not have known, Milwaukee has no groundhog. The resident groundhog at the Milwaukee County Zoo, Walnut, passed away last summer, and no replacement was brought in. This was even though there was more than seven months to find a suitable successor.

And as we all know, this has been a less than fun winter. In fact, as I write this post, the Weather Service as just changed the snow advisory to a winter storm warning, with 6-8 inches expected, and even more by the lake.

To help ease people's fear that this winter will never end, Scott Walker has taken bold and decisive action. No, he didn't get us a new groundhog. Instead, he privatized the service in a no-bid contract to Weasels'R'Us. The new mascot you will be seeing Saturday is Wally Weasel (pictured on the right).

Unfortunately, there were a few setbacks to Walker's plan. First, the contract turned out to be more expensive than planned, and much more expensive than it would have been to let a County-owned groundhog do the job. To make up for the expense, Walker cut sixteen busroutes, and denied food stamps to 439 people.

The other unforeseen consequence is that Wally won't tell us what kind of winter we will have yet to face. Instead, if he sees his shadow, we will have eight more weeks of Walker. If he doesn't see his shadow, then we will only have to face 56 more days of him.

We are also waiting for verification, but there is suspicion that Ma Brawler will be asking for an independent investigation for the posibility of nepotism.

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