Happy Star Wars Day

By 3rd Way

I went all day long without realizing it was Star Wars Day.

May the fourth be with you.

For the Jokes

by folkbum

When my students ask me what the real value of an education is, I don't always talk about the money (though it's true that more education generally means more money). I often tell them that it's so they can get more jokes. For example, I fear not enough of my students would be laughing all day at this, as I have been:



You have to know the history, the literature, the culture, etc., if you want to get all the funny there is.

Mortally Shamed

by capper

From Pundit Kitchen:



But remember, it is only when a Democrat may have lied (even if they have to lie to prove the supposed lie) that matters!

Need An Idea For A Christmas Present?

by capper

Just in time for Christmas, a zoo in Illinois has the perfect gift who has everything: Designer reindeer poop:

The Christmas ornaments for sale at the Miller Park Zoo's gift shop are partly manufactured by reindeer. Honest!

Staffers make decorations out of droppings from the zoo's two reindeer, Ealu and Rika. The droppings are dried, then clear-coated and either painted or rolled in glitter.

Zoo marketing director Susie Ohley has named the products "magical reindeer gem ornaments," and each comes with a label of authenticity. They cost $5 at the zoo gift shop.

Staffer Katie Buydos, who makes jewelry as a hobby, donated wire and beads, saying, "Susie asked me to bring some creativity to the table."

It would also make the perfect gift for the would be martyr in your family (we all have at least one). Imagine how happy the martyr would be going back to work or school after the holidays and seeing his or her friends. I can just imagine the conversation:

Martyr: So, how was your Christmas?

Coworker 1: Oh, it was wonderful! I got a lovely sweater and a new Playstation. There was hardly any blood on them at all!

Coworker 2: Meh. It was OK. I got some socks and a wallet. But the food was good. How was yours?

Martyr: Mine? Oh, sheesh, I got sh*t from my family again.

The Good Done By George W. Bush

by capper

A lot of times, liberals will make uncomplimentary comments and remarks about George W. Bush. The right often dismiss this has Bush Derangement Syndrome*.

Well, this is just to let the right wingers know that we don't think Bush is all bad, just mostly.

Here is a list** of some postive things that Bush has done:

15. Well, he never accidentally shot anyone while hunting!

14. Dramatically raised the bar for future presidents who want to be considered "Worst President Ever."

13. Brought the tourists back to Guantanamo Bay.

12. Demonsterated that alcohol and drug abuse during one's youth has absolutably no effect on one's job performabication later in life.

11. Finally put all those scientists and historians and economists with their fancy book-learnin' in their place.

10. Took the pain out of long commutes by both making gas too damned expensive to afford and eliminating our jobs.

9. Shattered a glass ceiling by giving female soldiers the opportunity to point at POW penises.

8. Gave the rest of the world a chance to catch up with America.

7. He wrested a country from the clutches of a twisted, tyrannical megalomaniac. And Ashcroft will never forgive him for it.

6. Stood devoutly aside as the wrathful Lord exacted His vengeance on the depraved populace of New Orleans, avoiding such heretical modern responses as "humanitarian aid" or "giving a damn."

5. Helped with that whole superiority complex that Americans had going on.

4. Put a serious dent in our nation's brush-clearing problem.

3. Got a really good price for selling America to the oil companies.

2. Caught more al-Qaeda #2s than the Waziristani sewer system.

Number 1 Positive Thing President Bush Has Done...

1. Single-handedly convinced Frank T. Burvis, unemployed Klansman from New Orleans, to vote for a African-American Democrat for president.

*More thoughts on Bush Derangement Disorder can be found here.

**This list was recreated here, after some modifications, from a cross-posting that can be found at Cognitive Dissidence.

Introducing The New Five Dollar Bill

by capper

Taking a page from the US Postal Service and their commemorative stamps, the US Treasury Department revealed their new commemorative five dollar bill, honoring Mission Accomplished Day:

But like with the stamps, the Treasury Department advises people to use it quickly, as that it might not be good for long, and may need supplementary bills.

Bad And Worse

by capper

A sign when your blogging is getting out of control:



And a sign when it's gotten out of control:

Another Explanation For Poor Communication?

by capper

For all you Macophiles...

A Rough Day On The Job

by capper

Just remember this when you have a crappy day at the office, school, or wherever you work: It could always be worse:

MADISON, Wis. (AP) -- Rather than rain or snow, or even dogs, postal workers in a West Side neighborhood near Owen Conservation Park are being pestered by wild turkeys this spring. Mara Wilhite, manager of the Hilldale Station Post Office, said she expected to deal with all manner of issues when she went to work for the U.S. Post Office. But that was not one of them.

"Just when you thought you'd heard it all," she said.

About five to 10 of the birds have been pecking at the postal workers as they make their rounds, and some of the birds have attacked the letter carriers with the sharp spurs on their legs. One of the birds went through the open door of a mail truck and scratched the driver.

And I thought they said that there were no Republicans in Madison.

But I Thought It Was The Taxes, Not The Economy

by capper

But, but, but I thought it was the taxes that were the problem...



Again, I thought it was the taxes...



I guess, maybe not the taxes after all.

I Don't Think So, Scotty

by capper

I know that this sort of thing happens all the time, but I still think it's funny. This was forwarded to me from the Walker Taylor campaign:

It reminds me of the time the RNC kept sending me letters asking for money, since I was a good card-carrying member of the GOP. I just kept returning the envelopes stuffed with clippings from the paper on the latest Republican scandal until they stopped.

Ode To Spring

by capper

Here's an oldie I remember my family saying every year about this time of the year:

Spring has sprung.
The grass has riz.
I wonder what the hell
All that white stuff is.

To Be A Republican

by capper

From the email, slightly modified for spelling errors, etc.

To be a Republican you need to believe:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him , a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multinational drug corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

6. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

7. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

8. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

9. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

10. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

11. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

12. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

13. The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

14. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery. (Capper here-This should include adultery.)

15. Supporting "Executive Privilege" for every Republican ever born, who will be born or who might be born (in perpetuity.)

16. What Bill Clinton did in the 1960's is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80's is irrelevant.

17. Support hunters who shoot their friends and blame them for wearing orange vests similar to those worn by the quail. Friends don't let friends vote Republican

Cross-posted at Whallah!

An Ode To Winter In Wisconsin

by capper

Why I Love Wisconsin ...

It's winter in Wisconsin
And the gentle breezes blow,
70 miles per hour at 52 below!
Oh, how I love Wisconsin
When the snow's up to your butt.
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
I guess I'll hang around.
I could never leave Wisconsin,
'Cause I'm frozen to the ground

Pop Goes The Weasel

by capper

Saturday is Groundhog's day. As you may or may not have known, Milwaukee has no groundhog. The resident groundhog at the Milwaukee County Zoo, Walnut, passed away last summer, and no replacement was brought in. This was even though there was more than seven months to find a suitable successor.

And as we all know, this has been a less than fun winter. In fact, as I write this post, the Weather Service as just changed the snow advisory to a winter storm warning, with 6-8 inches expected, and even more by the lake.

To help ease people's fear that this winter will never end, Scott Walker has taken bold and decisive action. No, he didn't get us a new groundhog. Instead, he privatized the service in a no-bid contract to Weasels'R'Us. The new mascot you will be seeing Saturday is Wally Weasel (pictured on the right).

Unfortunately, there were a few setbacks to Walker's plan. First, the contract turned out to be more expensive than planned, and much more expensive than it would have been to let a County-owned groundhog do the job. To make up for the expense, Walker cut sixteen busroutes, and denied food stamps to 439 people.

The other unforeseen consequence is that Wally won't tell us what kind of winter we will have yet to face. Instead, if he sees his shadow, we will have eight more weeks of Walker. If he doesn't see his shadow, then we will only have to face 56 more days of him.

We are also waiting for verification, but there is suspicion that Ma Brawler will be asking for an independent investigation for the posibility of nepotism.

A Packer Post You Can Sink Your Teeth Into

by capper

Ever since the Packers lost last weekend, there has been continuous coverage and analysis going on in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, and around the blogosphere. Many reasons and excuses have been offered up to explain away the loss, of what seemed like a sure win. These included the Pack being out-coached, Favre getting too old, not enough attempts at running the ball, and so forth.

One of the biggest complaints was the lack of a pass rush by the Packers defensive line. Today's JSOnline Packers blog might have the reason for that lack of pressure by our front four. It wasn't lack of skill, but maybe lack of focus? Worried about other things, more important things?

Way too much information from Ruegamer
By Greg A. Bedard
Sunday, Jan 27 2008, 01:37 PM

Green Bay - Not sure if this story made the rounds when New York Giants center Grey Ruegamer was with the Packers. but it's worth repeating (and will be repeated and repeated during Super Bowl week:

Castrating a lamb with your teeth is a pretty simple procedure, really. Grey Ruegamer knows. “You grab the forelegs and pin them to the ground, and then you grab the back legs and throw them on their back,” Ruegamer said.

And when the, uh, target area is exposed, “away you go. It’s the way the Basques do it.”

Ruegamer, a former Arizona State All-American who will return for Super Bowl XLII with the New York Giants, became a practitioner when a family friend, who is Basque, asked for extra help on her working sheep and cattle ranch outside Las Vegas, Nev., where Ruegamer grew up.

A good number of Basques have settled in Nevada — there once was legalized gambling on jai alai, a sport played almost exclusively by Basques, in Las Vegas — and the rancher had about 200 head of young sheep that needed attention.

“I was hesitant,” Ruegamer said with a laugh. “But it is what it is. She needed help. There was beer. Good times. It was worth it.”

Can't say as I blame the defensive line at all on this one. I just hoped he remembered to brush and floss.

Christmas Gifts No-Nos

by capper

For Thanksgiving, I provided a recipe for Popcorn Turkey. This, unfortunately, led to less than desirable results. (Sidenote to Dad29: I hope that Mom29 and all the little 29's forgave you and have come back home.)

I have learned my lesson and will now present you with some suggestions of gifts that you should NOT, I repeat, NOT get your special loved one.

First, unless you have a very comfortable couch, I would recommend staying away from some lotions offered by Avon. Namely one that calls your loved one imperfect.

Secondly, unless you have a second significant other that will allow you to stay at their place, this is no way to say, "Here, honey, Merry Christmas!"

And for the third suggestion of something to avoid is telling that special someone, unless you have a secret apartment that your spouse and your lover don't know about, is that he or she has some serious Monkey Butt.

Gift Suggestion

by capper

For those of you who, like me, hate the crowds of shoppers that will be out tomorrow, there is an online suggestion.

For the computer geek in your life, whether they use PC or Apple, there is the automated monitor cleaner.

The best part is that it's free. Free is good.

Popcorn Turkey

by capper

An oldie, but a goodie...

Here is a Thanksgiving Turkey recipe that also includes the use of popcorn as a stuffing - imagine that.

When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for people like me, who just are not sure how to tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out. Give this a try.

BAKED STUFFED TURKEY

10-12 lb. Turkey
1 cup melted butter
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.)
5 cups uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER 'S LOW FAT)
Salt/pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Brush Turkey well with melted butter, salt, and pepper. Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan with the neck end toward the back of the oven.Listen for the popping sounds. When the turkey's ass blows the oven door open and flies across the room, it's done.

Imagine the look on your loved ones' faces as you show off your culinary skills.

First Day of School

With school starting today for most of the area, I thought it would be good to share some light on the subject with this thought.