For Thanksgiving, I provided a recipe for Popcorn Turkey. This, unfortunately, led to less than desirable results. (Sidenote to Dad29: I hope that Mom29 and all the little 29's forgave you and have come back home.)
I have learned my lesson and will now present you with some suggestions of gifts that you should NOT, I repeat, NOT get your special loved one.
First, unless you have a very comfortable couch, I would recommend staying away from some lotions offered by Avon. Namely one that calls your loved one imperfect.
Secondly, unless you have a second significant other that will allow you to stay at their place, this is no way to say, "Here, honey, Merry Christmas!"
And for the third suggestion of something to avoid is telling that special someone, unless you have a secret apartment that your spouse and your lover don't know about, is that he or she has some serious Monkey Butt.