I'll give him an award, all right

by folkbum

This is currently the frontrunner for this year's Most Dickish Passage in a Daily Newspaper:

Sunday's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel proudly touts a big story and photo of the paper's editor winning an award from some magazine[*] for "editor of the year." It's similar to the paper's now months-long touting on page one of winning a Pulitzer Prize. Earth to Fourth and State: nobody cares. You may get all goosebumpy that the fellow members of your dying industry think you're great, but none of your readers care.

A few years ago I won the supposedly prestigious "Marconi" award for being the best medium market radio personality in America. I didn't show up for the award ceremony. I still have a tape of the guy reading my name and then looking around the banquet room in amazement that I wasn't there to bask in the "glory." They sent me the Marconi. I have since dropped it and there's a chip in it. It's sitting on my bedroom dresser with more dust on it than most mops.

Get it? I'm going to rub it in in my newspaper column that I won an award that I was too good for to point out that the newspaper industry is dying you stupid liberal fools. Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to go back to watching the tape of the awards ceremony, which works much better than porn for me. What a wanker.

* The "some magazine" was Editor & Publisher, the industry bible. What a wanker.