My Dangerous Neighborhood

From the police blotter:

A front window was smashed and a sexual aid was taken from Fantasy Gifts, 2984 S. Chase Ave., at 4 a.m. April 28. Property loss and damage are estimated at $380.

This one's from the 'burbs, not my neighborhood, but still, well, I don't know:

Menagerie of 200 live animals found in apartment: 2 state citations issued alleging possession of wild game

Germantown - A stinking menagerie of about 200 live animals, including more than 70 ducks, a pair of alligators, snakes, rats, scorpions, toads and turtles, were discovered late Tuesday night in a Germantown apartment, authorities said.

Acting on an odor complaint from the manager of an apartment building on Park Ave. in Germantown, police found live animals and numerous animal carcasses in a freezer and decaying carcasses in an adjacent garage. Among the dead animals were raccoons, rabbits, opossums and squirrels. [. . .]

"She said they were car kills," Mitchell said of the carcasses. "I warned her that it is illegal to take dead animals off the side of a road."

"The dead animals were used to feed the live animals. and some were given to flesh-eating beetles," he added.

For good measure, one more from the 'burbs:

GREENFIELD, Wis. (AP) — The mayor of this Milwaukee suburb has withdrawn his demand that an alderman remove a female mannequin from his office, on the condition that the alderman keep his office door closed.

Mayor Timothy Seider commented in a letter Tuesday to Alderman Thomas Pietrowski after telling him earlier that numerous complaints had been made by female employees about the mannequin.

Seider said some of the workers consider the mannequin offensive and demeaning to women.

But Pietrowski described the mannequin clothed in a gray T-shirt and tattered jeans as a piece of art, and his attorney, Peter Earle, said it was protected free speech.

See? I'm normal. I really am.