A slow news week. Well, on my blog, anyway.

So I give you something fun instead:

Folkbum's Rules for Writing
(I am an English teacher, you know)
1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects.
2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.
7. Be more or less specific.
8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.
9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
10. No sentence fragments.
11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.
12. Foreign words, phrases, and bon mots are not apropos.
13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
14. One should NEVER generalize.
15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
16. Don't use no double negatives.
17. Eschew obfuscation.
18. Avoid ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
19. One-word sentences? Eliminate.
20. Analogies in writing are like fur on a snake.
21. The passive voice is to be avoided.
22. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.
23. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.
24. Kill all exclamation points!!!
25. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.
26. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas.
27. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.
28. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."
29. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.
30. Puns are for children, not groan readers.
31. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
32. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
33. Who needs rhetorical questions?
34. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
35. Use quotation marks only when you “really” need them.

(Some of these were cribbed from long-lost sources; apologies if they're yours)