Cal Thomas is a jerk

It feels good enough just to say that Cal Thomas is a jerk. But, in the interests of fairness, I should prove it, too. We don't need to look much past the first sentence of his latest op-ed:

Observing the riots in the suburbs of Paris, an American is tempted to rejoice.

Which American, jerk? Hm? Name one besides you. (Bill O'Reilly doesn't count as American anymore, the traitor.)

The jerk continues:

Are not the French getting their just desserts for their arrogance, opposition and condescension toward the United States [. . .]? Unfortunately, laughing at the French dilemma is a luxury we can only briefly afford because what is happening in France among many of their Muslim immigrants is the immediate future for all of Europe and a probable future for the United States, if the West does not immediately and effectively confront this spreading threat.

By now the astute among you see where he is going; you don't even need to skip to the end to see the punchline coming. But we need to ask ourselves for a minute: What kind of jerk laughs at riots? Cal Thomas is sitting there stifling giggles behind his caterpillar mustache at death and widespread destruction of property, and he thinks the French are arrogant and condescending. Jerk.

High fertility rates among France's Muslim population, coupled with low fertility rates among the native-born French (the government is offering cash incentives to middle-class French women to have babies) and increasing Muslim immigration from North Africa, contribute to the undermining of French culture and social and political stability. [. . .] France is experiencing what other Western nations are, or will soon, experience.

Millions of Muslim youth identify with the larger and borderless Muslim world and less, or not at all, with their host countries.

Mosques erected in these countries are growing as rapidly as Starbucks or McDonald's franchises. The same is true in the United States.

Xenophobic racism is the last refuge of a jerk (though perhaps a bad Starbucks joke should qualify, too). Cal Thomas laments that those nice white ladies in France have to be bribed to reproduce--I guess that plan to keep white women barefoot and pregnant isn't working out so hot among the arrogant Gauls. French wimmins is gettin uppity.

Filling the void, of course, are immigrants and their children. You don't have to go back very many years to find Cal Thomas's intellectual forebears complaining about all the immigrants and their children ruining our country. (Hell, you only have to go as far as Tom "Tom Tom" Tancredo.) The jerk seems shocked--just shocked--that immigrants might bring their religion with them! I mean, we didn't let the Pilgrims--those jerks!--bring their churches to this country, did we? Cal Thomas should know better: The mosques are popping up as frequently as those freaky warehouse churches that this jerk seems not to mind. In fact, he concurs: "According to the Hartford Institute for Religion Research's recent Faith Communities Today study," the jerk writes, "the total number of mosques in the United States increased 42% between 1990 and 2000, second only to the growth of Christian 'mega churches.' " Hah!

More rope for the jerk to hang himself with:

France will be America's future, if we don't stop denying that this invasion is deliberate and purposeful.

If we don't end the proliferation of radical Muslims, it would not be out of the question to predict a terrorist plot to blow up American cities, if the U.S. government fails to bow to fanatical demands to abandon Israel.

Because jeebus knows that White Folk would never try blowing up American cities! Seriously, I want some of what this jerk is smoking, 'cause I've had a bad couple of weeks at work and I could stand to hallucinate for a little while, maybe forget my history and all sense of proportion. Maybe sprout my own little caterpillar mustache.

Then the jerk has the gall (see? I made a pun) to ask me a question:

Before you start accusing me of bigotry, on what basis--other than your wishful thinking and refusal to confront this threat--do you base your position?

Here's your answer, jerk: Scroll up. Then scroll down. Then tie yourself to the tracks where the clue train is about to blow your mind.

I would start by pointing out the the riots in France are not caused by Islam! If you believe they are, jerk, you really do need to stop smoking whatever it is you have there. Millions--nay, billions--of Muslims live all over the world, in Europe, Asia, the Americas, even--gasp!--in the Middle East, and they don't riot, nosiree. The Christian Science Monitor has perhaps one of the best analyses of what's caused the riots in France:

"Frankly I am not surprised by what is happening," says Dounia Bouzar, an expert on French-born Muslims who has worked in the mostly black and North African districts on the outskirts of Paris. "Given the way these kids live, I wonder why it doesn't happen more often."

The outburst of violence, pitting youths throwing stones and Molotov cocktails against riot police, erupted after two teenagers in the nearby suburb of Clichy-sous-Bois--apparently hiding from the police--died by electrocution.

That incident, says social worker Michèle Lereste, "crystallized the hatred" that some of the most disaffected and hopeless young men living in what the government calls "sensitive urban zones" feel toward authority.

In these 751 zones that the government has designated for special programs, unemployment stands at 19.6 percent--double the national average--and at more than 30 percent among 21- to 29- year-olds, according to official figures. Incomes are 75 percent below the average.

Stung by charges that the government has mishandled the wave of unrest in a dozen suburbs, Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin and Interior Minister Nicolas Sarkozy have both cancelled planned trips abroad. President Jacques Chirac called Wednesday for "dialogue" to cool tempers.

Mr. De Villepin and Mr. Sarkozy met Thursday to discuss ways of dampening the violence beyond deploying more riot police, which has been the government's approach so far. But after two decades of policies that have tried, and often failed, to strengthen schools, provide jobs, and improve housing, critics say it is time authorities took the problems more seriously.

The ugly, often poorly maintained blocks of public housing that have become a nightly battlefield are testament to 40 years of government policy that has concentrated immigrants and their families in well-defined districts away from city centers, as housing there became more expensive.

"Working class suburbs have become ethnic ghettos," says Marc Cheb Sun, who edits "Respect," a magazine aimed mostly at young black and North African readers. "That is the origin of the problem."

Were the LA riots caused by black churches, jerk? How about the Watts riots and other riots of the civil rights era? Of course not, and only a jerk would try to blame the boiling over of frustrations borne from poverty and ghettoization on the religion of the rioters. A far more sober analyses of the kinds of problems biting France--and the real potential for similar problems in this country--can be found, believe it or not, in today's Washington Times, of all places:

 The old conviction that France is such an egalitarian society that differences need not even be noted is crumbling. The sense that a "real" Frenchman does not have an Arab name or olive skin is undergoing a searching re-examination.
 
"France cannot avoid a discussion about what is my identity," Mr. Sabeg said. "You have to explain to the rest of France that France is a multiethnic society." [. . .]

The denial that separate communities exist has thrown a veil of darkness over them. The gritty realities of life in the ghettos, where jobs are scarce, education is poor, housing is dilapidated, and police routinely stop young men of North African appearance, remain unexamined.

"I think young people rebelled because they could not make themselves heard," said Reda Allouz, 15, who lives in the eastern Parisian suburb of Val-de-Marne. "And they can't find jobs."

 He and his friend Madjid Akchiche, also 15, were born in France. They have never lived anywhere else. But they feel that, in the eyes of others, they're not French. They're "Algerian kids."

So let's go, then, Cal; let's start labeling and ostracizing the Muslims in this country. Let's keep playing the game that your friend Ward Connerly likes to play, that make-believe game that there's no racism anymore, and that Americans--except for those worrisome Muslims--can all be equal. If we don't think about racial and class divisions in society, this jerk believes, they can't hurt us.

But Islam, like the gay agenda, is recruiting, the jerk says:

In the United States, a concerted effort is being made to convert more of us to Islam, especially in prisons.

According to the Federal Bureau of Prisons, in September 2003, some 5.5% of the federal inmate population (172,785 on Oct. 6, 2003) were some form of Muslim.

OMG! If prisoners are Muslim, then all Muslims should be prisoners!

At this point, I can't keep you from the punchline any longer. Sure, you saw it coming from the very beginning, but I still want to prepare you, because--remember, Cal Thomas is a jerk--this is revolting on so many levels it's hard not to throw up twice:

Why shouldn't we fight back by reaching out to them with our religious and political doctrines?

I know Muslims who have been converted and now live peaceful and productive lives among us. We shouldn't passively allow them to proceed with their conversion agenda with no response.

Let's peacefully and lovingly share our far better religious and cultural message with them.

That's right, boys and girls! The way to stop Muslims in this country from rioting is to convert them to Christianity. Problem solved!

Praise be to the mustache of Jesus, and pass the jerk.