The Democrats' Summer Softball League

With nine candidates, I've been enjoying the idea this past week of casting them as a softball team instead. So, ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together while your Democrats take the field!

Leading off tonight, that fleet-of-toungue Al Sharpton, whose on-base percentage resonates with the public but whose slugging percentage has been low of late. Whatever team he's played for, though, he has made a good shortstop.

Batting second, far left-fielder Dennis Kucinich, whose strength may lie in advancing runners--single-payer health care, smaller defense budgets--but he has trouble driving them home. The fans often complain that he yells too darn much.

The meat of the line-up starts with our third batter, Dick Gephardt. He's got a long and distinguished career behind hin, although some fans question his ability to pull the trigger lately. He's still a quite capable catcher, though, tossing back the pitcher's ideas and every once in a while nailing a runner stealing second.

Batting clean-up and pitching tonight, Howard Dean. Dean continues to set the pace in this softball game, finding that others respond to the agenda that he sets and often model their play after his. He still has, in this reporter's opinion, the best slugging percentage on the team, able to connect with the ball far more often than not. But his teammates--and, frankly, some fans--worry about the number of strikeouts he's had at the plate latley.

After Dean, the first-baseman John Kerry steps up. His ravalry with teammate Dean is well documented, by Kerry holds his own both in the lineup and on the field. If we could get Dean and Kerry to work together to pick runners off of first, that would be an awesome sight.

Batting sixth is the team's only woman and second baseman, Carol Mosely-Braun. She provides solid offense, able to connect with pitches, like the P.A.T.R.I.O.T. A.C.T., that other players find difficult, and she's good at starting the double play. She's been traded a lot, though, and hasn't spent a lot of time with any one team.

Seventh is centerfielder Bob Graham, whose ability to cover a lot of territory in the outfield is without question a forte. He's been on the disabled list lately, though, and we just weren't sure that he'd been rarin' to go by the end of srping training, but it looks like he made it.

Our penulitimate batter in the line-up tonight is third baseman John Edwards. Edwards is just up from the minors, and the coaches all think he has great potential. We've seen some flashy stuff out in the field, with his good ball-handling skills down the line, and this year in the line-up will give him a great deal of maturity to be a team leader in coming seasons.

Finally, right-fielder Joe Lieberman rounds out the batting order. He's a fan favorite, but this reporter, for one, worries that he will never again hit a home run.

In the bullpen, of course, we have Wesley Clark, Hilary Rodham Clinton, Gary Hart, and Al Gore--but Gore's got that sore shoulder; apparently he was carrying quite the weight a while back and hasn't recovered. Hart swears he will never play again, but he's got his fans. And Hilary's waiting until she can be a starter before she puts on the uniform. It's Clark who we may see in the stretch.

Manager Terry McAuliffe is proud of the team this year, though the coaches are providing a lot of conflicting advice about where the team should be going. But here's one reporter feeling pretty confident that, with the depth of talent on the team and real weaknesses of their opponents, the Democrats can win the penant this year.

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