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Pay no attention to the people behind the curtain

Monday, March 26, 2007

My get-rich quick scheme

by folkbum

If anyone else uses this, I'll sue for royalties. My idea deals with this:
Mayfair Mall will require those younger than 18 to shop with a parent or adult 21 or older during some hours of operation, mall officials announced Friday.

The new policy, Parental Guidance Required, will apply after 2 p.m. Fridays and Saturdays. It goes into effect next Friday.

Security staff will be stationed at 14 mall entrances, where they will ask shoppers who appear to be younger than 18 for a state-issued or laminated school ID with date of birth, mall spokeswoman Nancy Conley said. Those who do not comply will be asked to leave. [. . .]

Smith said Mayfair will boost its existing security staff on Friday and Saturday afternoons and pay Wauwatosa police and Milwaukee County sheriff's deputies an undisclosed amount to help enforce the policy.

Wauwatosa police will assist with security at entrances and at points throughout the mall. In the initial weeks of the policy's enforcement, Milwaukee County sheriff's deputies and mall security will check the IDs of youths disembarking at bus stops near Macy's and Boston Store. Underage youths either will have to get back on the bus or immediately leave mall property, Conley said.
It's simple. I wait outside a mall entrance, and charge $25 a pop to vouch for a kid. I can always pat 'em down for weapons first, of course, since I don't want to be liable for a scene.

Trouble is I can only do four kids at a time. I mean, $200 a weekend isn't a bad take, but maybe I should franchise a little bit, perhaps hire the homeless to do the vouching with me, and take 40% or 80% of their revenue for the weekend.

The only problem I could really foresee is something like having to sit through two or three showings of Norbit every weekend, or realizing that the funny t-shirts at Spencer are only funny a couple of times. But I could probably handle it if just every once in a while I got to play with the new Macs (and the iPhone!) or could build a bear.

So if the posting around here gets real light on the weekends, it's because I'm out making money, okay?

Oh, and does anyone else think that enforcement of this policy is, perhaps, not the best allocation of our law-enforcement resources?

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