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Pay no attention to the people behind the curtain

Saturday, March 03, 2007

The Al Gore's house papers

By Bert

All I can divulge at this point is that the story begins with a document accidentally left on Monday in a copy machine at the Kinkos on Farwell and State. The discovered document was immediately stuffed down the pant leg (a technique learned at liberal democrat officer training school) of a folkbum operative. And then ensued a series of furtive transfers of said document. The paper was finally transferred to me last night over a formica tabletop while concealed in a George Webb menu just before the bartime rush.

Here, released for the first time, only on Folkbum, is the content of that document:

Talking Points Central Command
"semper on message"

Week: 2/26-3/2

You are tasked for the entire week (think Weekly Deep Tunnel Awards for Friday)with communicating that Al Gore has a large house that uses electricity. Include in your message commentary about Al Gore’s weight (note: this does not remove prohibition against mentioning the physique of Dick Cheney, Karl Rove, Dennis Hastert, or Rush Limbaugh -- see memos dated 1/25/00, 4/25/85).

Talking up Al Gore’s house is a tactic that furthers these key strategies:

  • Protects corporate profits at the expense of polar bears (note: do not mention polar bears)by sliming any effort to conserve energy without trying to deny all that science and stuff.
  • Furthers the impression that the only elite aristocrats in this country are liberal democrats and intellectuals. To enhance effect of this tactic, also mention that Dick Cheney hunts and that Karl Rove serves hot dogs at his fundraisers. Finally, play Toby Keith or Martina McBride as your bumper music.

    As always, any updates will be transmitted through Drudge Report. That is all.

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