Pardon

(with deep, deep apologies to Joni Mitchell)

It’s coming on Fitzmas
They’re arresting me
They’re taking my mug shot
And singing songs of joy and peace
Oh I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on

But it don’t snow here
It stays pretty brown
I’m going to make a lot of money
Then I’m going to put on the judges' gown
I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on

I wish I had a pardon so strong
I run off with everything I had
Oh I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on
Because I made my baby mad

He tried hard to help me
You know, he put me at F-E-M-A
But I did so badly
How I wished I could stay
Oh I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on

I’m so hard to handle
I’m selfish with my trust
Now I’ve gone and lost the best chance
To be POTUS
Oh I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on

I wish I had a pardon so strong
I run off with everything I had
Oh I wish I had a pardon
Because I made my baby mad

It’s coming on Fitzmas
They’re targeting me
They’re writing songs about it
And betting on me
I wish I had a pardon
I could skate away on