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Pay no attention to the people behind the curtain

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Vote Fraud: The Ann Coulter Defense

As much as I've written about so-called "vote fraud" lately, you might be surprised to see me talking about actual perps. But it does happen--I've never denied that there are people who willfully and feloniously break the laws regarding voting.

For example, Ann Coulter. She registered and voted in the wrong precinct, knowingly, down in Florida. But it looks like she's going to get away with it. What's great is her excuse: She was being stalked!

That's right: Coulter apparently bought her house in her own name, but falsified her drivers license and voter registration forms to avoid a stalker--one who was so horrible, in fact, that he was apparently interviewed by the FBI for five whole minutes!

So, all you budding fraudsters and fraudettes: Commit all the vote fraud you want. Just walk in to any precinct anywhere, laws be damned, and vote to your heart's content. And when you get caught? Simple: Oh, officer, I was just voting over here to avoid my stalker. No, your honor, I wasn't trying to commit fraud; I was just worried my celebrity would attract attention in my real precinct. And so on. Maybe we could even get our legislators to write that stalking exception into the law!

It should be as good as gold. After all, if it works for Coulter, it ought to work for us normal schlubs, right?

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